Red
by TheWhiteCrayon
Summary: People like to say that she's random, but really, her world just spins faster than theirs. (It's really only logical that they can't understand her.) Oneshot, catcentric.


This story is about Cat. I don't know, I just wanted to write a little oneshot about Cat being all weird and spacey from her perspective, and then... this happened. I guess I really can't write anything but angst. Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

 **disclaimer: I don't own victorious.**

Cat's always been a bit _strange, spacey,_ and -well... _Different._ (But it's okay, actually, at least she's _**special.**_ )

She doesn't usually _understand_ the things that other people _say,_ or what they _mean._ And most everybody thinks she's stupid -even her friends and family think she's silly to say the least -but, really, Cat's just living in her own world.

(And in her own world, everything makes perfect sense.)

x

People like to say that she's random, but really, her world just **spins faster than theirs.** (It's really only _logical_ that they can't understand her.)

x

Caterina is always having fun in her world. It's so nice and cosy and _happy_ in there, sometimes she doesn't ever want to drift back up to the surface anymore.

But Cat wants everybody else to be a part of **her own world** too, and she tries to drag her world to the surface with her. _(But people don't understand, darling. You'll learn someday. They don't understand people like you and me.)_

x

It hurts when people call her crazy (even though it might be true) and she (Cat) can't help but letting a single tear drip down her cheek.

 _(Told you they didn't understand?)_

Cat closes her eyes and jumps into the water. **(Everything's somuchmore beautiful down here.)**

(It's like the water sets her free.)

(Everything is bright and shiny and sparkling and so veryvery _real_.)

Cat just swims until she's not sad anymore.

x

"Mommy? Do you think I'm weird?"

"Yes, you are. But that's okay. So am I."

"You're different weird though."

"Yes. Very different. But that's okay, too. It's what makes us unique."

(Sometimes Cat just wants to be _normal._ )

x

Caterina hasn't come up to the surface anymore for a while now. She doesn't like it up there.

(It's okay though. She's learned how to breathe under water a long time ago.)

x

Cat still tries to drag people down into the water with her (because it's just so damn lonely _**in her own world**_ ).

 _(Nobody understands, Cat, why can't you see that? Nobody understands, nobody nobody nobody -except me.)_

Sometimes Caterina 's voice sounds a bit scary, which is strange, because it's still _her_ voice, but different, somehow (and maybe that's what scares her).

But she doesn't really mind.

(When Caterina's speaking, at least she's not alone.)

x

Cat's always been scared of the dark. At night, alone in her room, when it's silent (she hates silence) and she's surrounded by darkness -that's when the monsters crawl out.

Caterina kind of likes the dark, though. (Maybe that's because she **is** a monster.)

 _(Nonononono Cat, don't say that, monsters will hurt you -and Caterina would never do that, would she? She's_ **you,** _after all.)_

x

Cat likes red because it's the colour of her favourite cupcakes.

Caterina likes red because it's the colour of blood.

(smile)

x

Everybody's crying, yelling, screaming (and she doesn't even know why).

(Nobody ever tells her anything.)

It makes Cat's head hurt.

x

Nobody understands her. She knows that now. _(Just you and me, baby girl.)_ Sometimes it makes her sad, but Caterina just holds her hand really tight and they jump into the water together.

(She swims until she forgets about the pain.)

 _(At least we still have each other.)_

It's still so very beautiful in her world. She doesn't really want to leave ever again.

(She's more ditzy than ever, and people start to wonder if she's all there.)

(She doesn't really care though.)

 _Nobody understands people like you and me._

x

Caterina's really mean, sometimes. Like that time she made her scratch her skin open. _(Just dug your nails in till it_ _ **bleeds**_ _.)_

She told her it wouldn't hurt (what a pretty little lie) but it did. _(Oops!)_

 _(Sometimes beauty hurts, my darling.)_

(Blood dripped down her arms and tears down her cheeks.)

She does it again anyway.

x

Sometimes, Cat can forget about the world around her (and be _one_ with the water) and it's really just her and Caterina.

And Cat feels _pretty_ and _joyful_ and _**good**_ -and Caterina just smiles at her, and doesn't say anything to hurt her.

Sometimes Cat can be really happy **inside herself.**

x

 _Ticktock, ticktock._

(that's the sound of the clock.)

 _Ticktock, ticktock._

(isn't time the strangest thing?)

Cat can never make much sense of it. -She can never remember just _when_ she is. Dates and places and numbers and people -they all blend in together inside her head.

(Cat just smiles as she watches the red.)

 _It doesn't really matter, anyway._

 **(am I pretty yet?)**

x

The doctor uses long and difficult names to describe her _[condition]_ but it all comes down to one thing.

(She's _**sick**_ and there's something _**wrong**_ with her.)

 _But didn't we know that all along?_

Mommy cries and daddy frowns but Cat just laughs (she's the only one who sees the irony).

 _(StoplaughingCatthisisseriousdon'tyouunderstand?)_

 **Sick.**

(Here's a secret though. _Shelovesit.)_

x

The pills they force her to take drown out Caterina's voice and she's never been more lonely.

x

Thin, white scars litter her otherwise so dull arms.

(But they're not so beautiful anymore now that the **red** is gone.)

 _They_ try to tell her that blood doesn't make you prettier.

 _(Without Caterina she doesn't have the courage to_ _ **press through,**_ _anyway.)_

x

Sometimes, she tries to stop them from drugging her by hiding under her bed. But they alwaysalwaysalways get to her in the end, and force the pills down her throat.

 _(Miss me yet?)_

Sometimes she thinks she can still hear Caterina's voice echoing in the back of her head.

x

Because she's been _suchagoodgirl_ lately, they let Mommy take her home for the weekend. Mommy holds her hand the whole way home and happy tears glitter behind her eyes.

(Cat feels a little bad for her, but really, she doesn't have a choice.)

 _ **(She misses Caterina.)**_

She wait till veryvery late at night, when everybody's fast asleep, and then she goes. She tiptoes up the stairs to the attic (because of course the door is locked and the window in her room is sealed) and quietly opens the window up there.

She climbs out onto the roof (and ohgodit'shighuphere) and she sits down in the window frame. She likes the prettypretty stars, bringing light to the **black** night. (She's still afraid of the dark, after all.)

Cat wishes she could talk to Caterina right now, but she's _justnotthere,_ because of the stupid meds. Cat knows what she's supposed to do, though.

(But Caterina's the _courageous_ one.)

 _((Just do it already, you know you want to.))_

It's not the same without her.

 **It's like jumping into the water. It's like jumping into the water. Like jumping into the water. Jumping into the water. Into the water. The water.** _ **Justlikethewater.**_

Somehow _drowning_ seems like an easier death to her.

(Just jump)

x

She never does jump.

x

She climbs up the roof again the next day. She sits in the frame for hours. (But she doesn't jump.)

When she wants to climb back in, her foot slips and she can't hold on. She tumbles down the roof, all the way to the ground.

x

When they find her the next morning, she's pale and broken and covered in blood.

 _(She's never been more beautiful.)_

.

So, that happened. Well, I hope you liked it. If you can spare the time, I hope you'll leave me a review.


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